So here i am

    Okay, so I am not sure how many of you really will show up and read these rantings, writings, thoughts, and profound statements.
    I have led a crazy life, not just because I am crazy,  life itself has grabbed me by the ear and dragged me through the mud.  I generally get up and get a shower then laugh and tell my friends all about it.  If there is one thing I have learned is how to get the joke. I am talking the cosmic joke that we live each day (no I am not reducing the miracle of life to a joke) but really have you looked at the absurdity all around us..
     My Life has gone from good to bad to worse to worse still.  Yet I smile and expect the sun to come out tomorrow(which is really sad because I live in Oregon and it is sunny like 2 months of the year)  like an orphan with a rich new daddy.  
       Okay so like the title of my blog days I live with Bipolar disorder.  I have been managing my disease for 20 years for those of you who don't know what the illness is like it is like living on the ride the Intimidator 305 everyday but the track keeps changing.  Even you don't know what you are going to do.  One day you are fine the next day they are dragging you out of a bar where you made new friends with very scary men.  Most the time I am Clark Kent some days I am Superman (the one who hides in the fortress of solitude) and others Lex Luther. The fact is it is tough.
     That isn't my whole identity though I am many things like most of you are. I am a daughter. I have been a wife. I am a mother.  I have been an advocate for my kids and other people.  I volunteer and help where I can. I am a fierce and loyal friend.  I want good things.  I hope for beauty and kindness in the world around me.  I am like most people.
     I have kept a stable home and cared for my children and other people for years in spite of my illness. I have held the world together for more than just myself.
     I find the media's depiction of the mentally ill particularly hurtful I am not that and many I know are not either we are just folk trying to get by.  I am watch the way people react when they find out about my illness some are shocked and ask if I am sure, others go away, and some are just there for the good time the ups bring.


I guess this is enough for now I will write more tomorrow.